Level Up Weekly: Navigating Change
Updated: Aug 3, 2020
3 Ideas, 3 Quotes and 3 Questions (July 26, 2020)
Every Sunday, I share 3 ideas from me, 3 quotes from others and 3 questions for you to ponder. The information I share is to help you to be intentional towards what you want to experience today and in the week ahead. If you are on my email list, you will also receive long-form articles on self-improvement and leadership.
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3 Ideas from Me
1. Vulnerability is necessary to heal heart wounds. After the unexpected loss of my son Blease years ago, I did everything that I knew how to do to dismiss, deny and numb the truth of what I was emotionally experience. I felt it was necessary for me to keep up with what I would later recognize as a distorted view of being a “strong black woman.” My unwillingness to give myself permission to acknowledge the truth of my grief and accept what I was feeling as my truth resulted in me suffering in silence for three years needlessly.
2. Self-love is a spiritual superpower. No one can read your mind or know exactly what we are struggling with unless we speak up for our self. Speaking up and sharing our truth is a reflection of self-love. Yes, we want to make sure that the people we share our deepest struggles have the spiritual and emotional wherewithal to hold a safe space for us to do so. Nevertheless, it is up to each of us to summon the courage to reach out to someone or a group that demonstrates genuine care and concern for how we truthfully feel without having the burden of a distorted social mask.
3. Sometimes, we have to pull over to regroup. Despite the level of professional success I’d experienced after the loss of my son, (clearly a sign of the grace and strength of God I was able to lean into) I decided to resign from Marriott after working 13 years and experiencing award-winning success. I recognized that the actions I’d taken to move beyond the loss of my son was not working. I was losing myself. I needed to pull over without the responsibilities of a 24 hour hotel and focus on healing the wound in my soul.
Let be clear, because of my savings, vacation time and a 401(K) I’d been investing in for 12 years, and my confidence in getting another job as a result of what I’d achieve as a General Manager, I knew it was the right time and right move for me. I do not recommend making a major life decision in a heightened emotional state unless you or a loved one is in physical danger. Hasty decisions often add to our stress. I recommend that you begin to schedule time on a daily, weekly and monthly basis to tune in to the whispers in your soul. Your soul’s wisdom is your inner compass. Sometimes, we have to press the reset button and direct our steps in a new direction.
3 Quotes from Authors
1. In the book The Emotional Energy Factor, Mira Kirshenbaum writes, While all our losses are different, we all do the same thing with them. We too often focus on them, obsess about them, get lost in them, and make them our lives.”
2. In Seasons of Change, Carol L. McClelland, Ph.D. writes, In the short run, we may succeed in our denial because our efforts push beyond our difficulties. However, ignoring these “deaths” is dangerous. Unhealed trauma don’t disappear, they fester like wounds that haven’t been properly tended. Eventually -whether its week, months, or even decades later - we must acknowledge our losses and face the truth about our situation that caused us the pain in the first place. Only then can we truly live again.”
3. In their book The Resilience Factor, Karen Reich, Ph.D. and Andrew Shatter, Ph.D. write, “Future threat beliefs lead to anxiety and cause us to feel out of control. When we are not in control of our thinking, we’re not in control of our emotions.”
3 Questions to Ponder
1. How am I denying the truth of my feelings and emotions about anything in my life?
2. Why do I fear speaking my truth about how I feel?
3. Who do I know or where is a group that would provide me the safe emotional space to speak my truth to power and experience the release of bottled up feelings and emotions?
It’s Your Move. Aspire Higher.
P. S. Because of the needlessly suffering that I experienced from denying, dismissing and numbing my feelings after the loss of my son Blease, I began a daily ritual that helps me to tune in to my truth, acknowledge and accept it. Embracing my truth might mean taking specific actions to create change in some aspect of my life while other times it helps me to become self aware of how I’m sabotaging myself or where I need to demonstrate more self compassion towards the healing of a soul wound. I allow the wisdom in my soul to guide me.
Because of this transformational practice, I’ve been inspired to conduct a FREE monthly gathering for seekers of growth and abundance that reflects many aspects of my personal ritual. This monthly ritual takes place on the 4th Tuesday at 7 pm EST each month. The next event takes place on Tuesday, July 28, 2020. You can find out more and register here.